Kang's Corner Returns.

Kanglia

Well-known member
Citizen
Oct 26, 2020
100
52
Awards
2
Right, so let’s just get straight to the point. I haven’t done one of these in a while(May 14th, 2021 to be exact), and honestly, I haven’t done anything in a while. Is that the best way for the new Minister of Defense to introduce himself? Most would say probably not, but here’s the thing about that. There’s something new this time than my last few less than spectacular returns of activity to Nationstates as a whole and to the Union. I’m… enjoying myself here again. I’m enjoying the idea of getting back into regional politics(and NSGP politics as a whole) and I’m enjoying being a more active lurker in the Discord and on the forum and on the RMB(Yes. I see what you all say, keep that in mind.) That’s not something that I could say the last several times that I’ve came back around to revive Kanglia. Some of you who have been around for a while, particularly after my most recent extended absence may remember me talking about the variety of family health issues that I was experiencing, most notably with my sister having open heart surgery after complications of a blood clot led to an infection in the aortic valve of her heart. But there’s been a lot of other things that have been keeping me away from treating NS as something more than a side quest that I only care about once every three or four months. I’m aware that this statement is about a month late, but June is men’s mental health awareness month(such an incredibly busy month, it’s almost as if the Romans were smart to add a few more in there,) and I feel compelled to at least share some of my story with you all, so you can at least get where I’m coming from. Since I was 12, I’ve struggled with chronic depression symptoms, as well as a generalized and social anxiety disorder. Because of that, it’s been extremely easy for me to routinely fall into ruts of not being me, the typical hardass you encounter in the discord server is not exactly the type of person that I really am, and I’d like to think that people who have had one on one conversations with me would back that sentiment up also. When I first created Kanglia back in 2017, it was roughly a year from the passing of one of my best friends in school, and I was far, far, far from being okay mentally. NS was a really nice change of pace, because although I had already knew about the game, I didn’t really do anything aside from answering issues occasionally and then constantly letting my old nations CTE(I wonder if I could ever find the first, I’m sure I was like 10 or something lol.) It was silly to my friend group, and realistically it’s silly in general, but NS was almost like an escape for me, it let me create my own little place. For a while that “place” was FNR, but eventually I came here, to the UDS, and I felt that I had found a sense of belonging in a way. And sure, this is nothing more than a very poorly designed country simulator on paper, but we’ve always tried to make it more than the sum of its parts and that was something that really excited me at the time, especially when I needed anything to make me feel like I had some sense of belonging or desire to be happy. For a while, almost a year really, Nationstates was less of a hobby and more of an obsession. I craved to be the best, maybe not in the whole game but at least in the Union. And I quickly found out that wasn’t exactly a healthy strategy either, and I burnt out.
And honestly, it’s taken me four years and a whole lot of self-reflecting, continuous battles of depressive episodes followed by emotional highs that leave me questioning my own sanity, and nonstop attempts to improve myself for me to realize that this game shouldn’t be as serious as I made it five years ago, but it deserves to have a bigger place in my life than it did when I was a kid. It’s fun, I enjoy the nature behind it, being a slimy little political rodent when the time comes for it or being up for hours on end doing chases and defenses(more on the UDSAF at a later date!) I’m not gonna put all of my energy into this game again because that would be silly and unhealthy and a noticeable regression in myself, but I think I’m going to stick around for a lot longer this time, if only because I’ve realized this place is where I want to be.
I’ll close it with this. It’s okay to not be okay all of the time. And it’s okay to be vulnerable enough to ask somebody for help. I went so damn long without ever asking anyone for help that when I finally did I didn’t even know how and the entire experience just left me feeling ways that aren’t right for it. You matter. Even if you don’t think that you have any value to people, you do. Your absence would be noticed not just in your own personal life, but here too. You all have more people who care about you than you realize, and I think that it’s important to be reminded that you’re loved. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s a whole damn lot better when you try to look at the sunshine and not the clouds.
-Kanglia